Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Another Reason I Hate Booze
So, I didn't end up kicking her out. Not straight away. I guess it was for a few reasons. A part of me would like to believe that she can actually sort herself out - basically, to grow up and become an adult that's capable of living life without a parent nearby. I also know that she'll end up back at the hostel if she does leave here - a dodgy place to be living, at best. Maybe someone with more common sense could get by in a place like that, but not her. Even she knows that she'll have to go to a hostel as well. The reasons are obvious; nobody else in their right mind will live with her.
I've told her that I'm not responsible for her in any way, but it's obvious that I'll have to take up some responsibility - she isn't going to grow as a person without a bit of help from someone else.
I gave her the ultimatum that she's got a limited amount of time to sort her life out. My main issue - well, the only issue - is with her drinking habits. Hell, when I moved in with her, I was assuming the worst - that is, she'd have an alcohol problem. That's pretty much what I got. No surprises there. I didn't consider that this would have a negative impact on my social life - some of my friends are reluctant to come around to my place, knowing that she'll be there, off her face. I don't blame them. Some of my other friends, while being the most considerate, level-headed people I've ever met have basically stated that they don't mind at all, that they can put up with her. Doesn't change the fact that they have to put up with her and that I'm putting them into that position without actually asking if it's OK.
I had invited some people around to my place this Friday just passed. on Thursday night, I reminded Jane that some friends would be coming around and that it'd be nice if she were sober. She agreed. I believed her.
At least Pete and Craig know that when I promise that Jane'll be on her best behaviour, they know I'm being unrealistically optimistic, which is why I'm thankful that they were the only ones who ended up coming. When we arrived back at my place from work - over an hour after we were supposed to be back - she was asleep on a mattress in the living room. In the middle of the living room. Looks like she had been there for some time. I was not amused. I tried nudging her awake with my foot - no dice. I made as much noise as I felt like making while we moved Lucas' drums and played Risk in that end of the room. Took us over ten minutes to get that sorted.
After half an hour or so of playing, her alarm goes off. Nice timing. She wakes up seeming sober, so it's not all bad, or so I thought.
She starts drinking pretty quickly, though, ending the night by passing out. That's the last time I invite people over for anything other than a LAN.
I reiterated the conditions of her staying here. She seems to place a lot of emphasis on what she tells me, as opposed to what she actually does. She's like this in every respect - she told me not after we moved in that she was incredibly clean and tidy, but I'll be damned if I can find any evidence of it. Her stuff is all over the place. I can count on one hand the amount of times she's cleaned up after herself in over a month of living here. I get the impression she's going to be no different with her booze-habits, so I'm planning for the eventuality of finding another housemate.
I've told her that I'm not responsible for her in any way, but it's obvious that I'll have to take up some responsibility - she isn't going to grow as a person without a bit of help from someone else.
I gave her the ultimatum that she's got a limited amount of time to sort her life out. My main issue - well, the only issue - is with her drinking habits. Hell, when I moved in with her, I was assuming the worst - that is, she'd have an alcohol problem. That's pretty much what I got. No surprises there. I didn't consider that this would have a negative impact on my social life - some of my friends are reluctant to come around to my place, knowing that she'll be there, off her face. I don't blame them. Some of my other friends, while being the most considerate, level-headed people I've ever met have basically stated that they don't mind at all, that they can put up with her. Doesn't change the fact that they have to put up with her and that I'm putting them into that position without actually asking if it's OK.
I had invited some people around to my place this Friday just passed. on Thursday night, I reminded Jane that some friends would be coming around and that it'd be nice if she were sober. She agreed. I believed her.
At least Pete and Craig know that when I promise that Jane'll be on her best behaviour, they know I'm being unrealistically optimistic, which is why I'm thankful that they were the only ones who ended up coming. When we arrived back at my place from work - over an hour after we were supposed to be back - she was asleep on a mattress in the living room. In the middle of the living room. Looks like she had been there for some time. I was not amused. I tried nudging her awake with my foot - no dice. I made as much noise as I felt like making while we moved Lucas' drums and played Risk in that end of the room. Took us over ten minutes to get that sorted.
After half an hour or so of playing, her alarm goes off. Nice timing. She wakes up seeming sober, so it's not all bad, or so I thought.
She starts drinking pretty quickly, though, ending the night by passing out. That's the last time I invite people over for anything other than a LAN.
I reiterated the conditions of her staying here. She seems to place a lot of emphasis on what she tells me, as opposed to what she actually does. She's like this in every respect - she told me not after we moved in that she was incredibly clean and tidy, but I'll be damned if I can find any evidence of it. Her stuff is all over the place. I can count on one hand the amount of times she's cleaned up after herself in over a month of living here. I get the impression she's going to be no different with her booze-habits, so I'm planning for the eventuality of finding another housemate.
Comments:
Hi am a mate of Christops, anyways so is your housemate getting help for her drinking problem and does she want to do something about it? why does she drink so much?
Often living with someone and trying to take any responsibility for them can be quite bad for your own wellbeing, someone else who doesn't have to live with her is often best to do that.
Often living with someone and trying to take any responsibility for them can be quite bad for your own wellbeing, someone else who doesn't have to live with her is often best to do that.
Yes, I've seen you around.
She is getting help at the moment. I've been helping her myself where I can, but the problem is quite deep - in part, the real problem is that she's one of those people who looks for the solution which is immediately rewarding, rather that that which will help in the long-term.
Also, she's seeing a doctor, or was. Unfortunately, she hasn't got many close friends aside from those who are associated with me - I think I was pretty much her only friend when she moved here.
She says that she wants to do something about the problem, but that's not really enough. What she says and what she does are always two very different things and in this case, that is a damn shame. I'm trying to show her how running from something is usually a bad long-term solution and that pain is much more character building and a part of life, but I'm rather unsuccessful. I tend to have productive conversations with her when she's actaully sober, which ain't often enough.
The worst part is, I find it hard to take her that seriously, because it's obvious that a lot of her behaviour is basically attention-seeking.
She is getting help at the moment. I've been helping her myself where I can, but the problem is quite deep - in part, the real problem is that she's one of those people who looks for the solution which is immediately rewarding, rather that that which will help in the long-term.
Also, she's seeing a doctor, or was. Unfortunately, she hasn't got many close friends aside from those who are associated with me - I think I was pretty much her only friend when she moved here.
She says that she wants to do something about the problem, but that's not really enough. What she says and what she does are always two very different things and in this case, that is a damn shame. I'm trying to show her how running from something is usually a bad long-term solution and that pain is much more character building and a part of life, but I'm rather unsuccessful. I tend to have productive conversations with her when she's actaully sober, which ain't often enough.
The worst part is, I find it hard to take her that seriously, because it's obvious that a lot of her behaviour is basically attention-seeking.
I know I should be feeling bad for her, but her behaviour, and her attitude TO that behaviour makes that difficult.
My feelings toward her swing wildly between pity and disdain. Look, we ALL have bad stuff lurking in the back of our minds, and some of us have some REALLY bad shit they need to contend with, but I think the main difference between her and everyone else is, we don't foist the burden of our own shit on everyone else, and we don't call attention to our issues, however fucked up they may be.
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