Your Opinion Is Wrong™

Well, last night's halloween party was pretty cool. Jen dressed as morticia (or the general female population of Newtown), Lucas as The Devil™ (who is apparently very courteous to passers-by), Craig as some kind of overweight skeleton, and me as some kind of gay pirate. As you can probably imagine, we went virtually unnoticed in Newtown. Except Anna, who shocked the hell out of everyone.

'OH, MY GOD!!! A SMOKING FLIGHT ATTENDANT!!!'

Just thought I'd like to share with you the good old days of running a PC from a few years ago...we've come so far...

Yurgorjk Computing Engines™ operations manual. The world's only Eastern-European Personal Data-Computing-Valve-Array-Device!

PC must be started by being sure that the fan belt has no worn edge, and the mouse in the mouse-wheel is well-fed, and awake. This will allow the user to feed in many punchcards and have them processed without the processor overheating, and punchcards getting on fire.

It also helps if you open up the actuator valve to the 'Blaust' level. It is indicated by an icon of a sloth's head, next to the icon which looks like a piece of cheese. When the main hatch opens, you must sacrifice 14 trial CDs for internet access from any ISPs you can find. AOL CDs count for two.

There must also be at least 4 thimblefuls of kerosene in the tank for fast operations (keep away from open flame).

Also, none of this 'heat sink', or 'cooling fan', like on other wimpy capitalist manufacturers. Instead, there is flame jet on outside. Do not obstruct, and aim away from face. If the flame jet gets in face or eyes, rinse immediately with cold water, and notify priest and next of kin.

(Yurgorjk Computing Engines™ will not be held responsible for any loss of data, shrapnel lodged in face or internal organs, third degree burns, or nuclear fallout, especially if the instruction manual has been followed)

'The most crucial step to keeping yourself alive through a “suicide” bombing is to properly calibrate your wappet flange. Make sure the troubadour striae are vented clockwise toward the tesselar grabble. Do not let the flange bump out of alignment with the swinge.'

Oh, so THAT'S what I've been doing wrong.

A guy bought a box of expensive cigars, which he then insured. They were to be insured under the event of fire. He then smoked them, then tried to make a claim on them, since they were all damaged by 24 small fires. The insurance company didn't like this idea, and didn't follow through, so the matter was taken to court, where this guy eventually won (as the cause of the fire was not specified under the contract).

When he went to claim his cheque for the insurance, he was arrested on the spot.

For 24 counts of arson.

There were a heap of flight attendents milling around somewhere in the city today, I think along Elizabeth street...they were serving absolutely no explicit purpose, just standing around...

My only explanation was that a plane crashed there.

I will be getting a credit card on Christop's professional advice:

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Christop [http://rather.blogspot.com] says:
you should get a credit card

Electric Chikken says:
Me? Credit card?

Electric Chikken says:
Where's this coming from?

Christop says:
well, then you don't need money

Electric Chikken says:
Oh.

Christop says:
you just pretend

Electric Chikken says:
Ah, yes.

Christop says:
it's like Mono Polly

Electric Chikken says:
...

Electric Chikken says:
You scare me.

Christop says:
me too!

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On second thought...maybe I won't.

Last time I did something like this, I ended up being banished from West Ryde.