Saturday, September 11, 2004
Ted's Advisory Ramblings and Unnecessarily Helpful Checklists. Part One.
Top eleven things never to do during a job interview:
- Gnaw on some sunflower seeds. Try to do it without closing your mouth.
- When the interviewer offers his/her hand, refuse to shake it.
- Give them a hug instead.
- A bear hug.
- Remain standing, even after asked to sit. Stalk around the area, especially close behind the interviewer. Breathe down their neck if possible, just like those well-adjusted villians in poorly acted soap operas.
- Refer to the interviewer as a 'Bitch gringo' in a Jamaican accent. Continuously. Even after you are asked to stop.
- While answering a question, ask if it's turps or metho that's supposed to be a cheap substiture for an alcoholic beverage. If an answer is given, look worried, and ask where the toilet is.
- "Ha! Highly contagious? That doctor's a pussy! I don't know the MEANING of highly contagious!" (props to Chris)
- Ask if you're at the YMCA, and where they keep their village people. Ask every few minutes.
- Ask if there will be questions at the end...'because, to be honest, I'm not really paying attention.'
- Challenge the interviewer to an arm-wrestle.
Sorry everyone, I was desperate to fulfill my promise to write something by the end of whenever that stupid self-imposed deadline was, so my attempt at humour is even more hit-and-miss than usual. It now has 80% more miss. And some of it's not even mine!
Look out for my next Top Eleven list, 'Eleven reasons why I should not be allowed to have a keyboard.'
- Gnaw on some sunflower seeds. Try to do it without closing your mouth.
- When the interviewer offers his/her hand, refuse to shake it.
- Give them a hug instead.
- A bear hug.
- Remain standing, even after asked to sit. Stalk around the area, especially close behind the interviewer. Breathe down their neck if possible, just like those well-adjusted villians in poorly acted soap operas.
- Refer to the interviewer as a 'Bitch gringo' in a Jamaican accent. Continuously. Even after you are asked to stop.
- While answering a question, ask if it's turps or metho that's supposed to be a cheap substiture for an alcoholic beverage. If an answer is given, look worried, and ask where the toilet is.
- "Ha! Highly contagious? That doctor's a pussy! I don't know the MEANING of highly contagious!" (props to Chris)
- Ask if you're at the YMCA, and where they keep their village people. Ask every few minutes.
- Ask if there will be questions at the end...'because, to be honest, I'm not really paying attention.'
- Challenge the interviewer to an arm-wrestle.
Sorry everyone, I was desperate to fulfill my promise to write something by the end of whenever that stupid self-imposed deadline was, so my attempt at humour is even more hit-and-miss than usual. It now has 80% more miss. And some of it's not even mine!
Look out for my next Top Eleven list, 'Eleven reasons why I should not be allowed to have a keyboard.'
Comments:
Ramy shares this interweb.. there's a good reason you shouldn't have a keyboard.. at least, from his point of view :D
Don't forget referring to yourself as Mad Jim Jaspers. that gets the ob every time.
-Lucas
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-Lucas
# posted by 
: 14/9/04 11:48 pm
: 14/9/04 11:48 pm